2012年12月28日星期五
2012年12月22日星期六
今天本来和他约好要共同吃早餐，那里知道阴差阳错的遇到其他人就将变成了一群人一同去。每当想和他一起独处时就一定会有人出来阻绕。我和他只剩半年的时间可以相处了，为何你们就是不能避开让我们俩好好相处呢 !?
天啊！你可不可以不要再对我开这种玩笑。早前弄了个非常好的理由把事情拒绝了，为和现在要我陷下去？明明我俩就是不可能的，他根本不可能待在这陪我度过其余的三年而且他家又离我家这么远。明明没感觉，明明处理好，明明说好对他只有哥哥的感觉，为何会演变到这样 !? 为何你被拒绝后还要对我温柔，现在被你影响了，可当在人群里你又对我爱睬不睬的，你知不知道，我真的感觉我彻底的被你甩着转！可不可拜托你还回本属于我在这的宁静、习惯性的单独!? 你要知道你还有半年就离开这地方了，真的摆脱你不要在动摇本属于我在这的习惯
了，我真的怕我会因此而垮了。。。
刚才看完了《三月里的幸福饼》 — 是篇短篇的言情小说。它是说关于女主角和男主角因爱情纠纷分分离离的可到最终还是分离。当我看完后，我竟然会想到他并且流泪了！突然想发短信给他可又犹豫了，所以就上网看看他有没开。正当我要开时，我祈祷拜托月老给我个回音。很明显，当我一开fb就看到他的post而且他也在线上。月老，您到底在暗示什么呢!? 看到他在线上就告诉他，因下午的活动已经影响了我在这的宁静的生活。虽然只和刚人识的玩闹，但本在这习惯了的寂寞和宁静已开始被打破了。刚才我竟然还舍不得离开那里，如果换成平时我一定会在那吵着回去一点都不会给于合作的那种人。说真的自从上到大学后，我已很久没和任何人打成一片了！
大学里的人都不像中学伙伴将真诚的流露自己，他们全都有自私和伪装的另一面。他们所展现的自我很肯定不是外表看到的那么简单。目前的我也开始学习这种的表里不一。没错，伪装自己是早已习已自然但还没像他们这么强。在这里不是随随便便能向人透露关于自己，他们一点不像中学朋友一样能保密，这样友善，要交到一个知心的朋友真的很难。之前中六英文老师有问过，那个时期的朋友才能永久？虽然还没正式的踏出社会，但到目前为止我可以很肯定中学的朋友肯定能比大学朋友永久。。。
2012年12月20日星期四
明天就是冬至了！可是我很不开心哦！
每当冬至来到时，最期待的就是搓汤圆和吃汤圆。
可今年的期待灭了而且还要一个人孤零零的过...
想着想着眼泪又不争气的拼命的从眼眶流了出来。
我想要坚强，不想掉泪，因为我相信就算我一个人也可过得很好！
可是就是控制不了，惟有在放下坚强让自己哭了起来。
想要止泪时，有位朋友就打来，我们聊了大约有一个钟多吧！
真的很谢谢这位朋友，因为每次我有事都可以找他而且他也很关心我。
虽然之前发生一些小状况后，他尝试避开我为了让自己好过，这我是明白的毕竟感情是不能免强的。其实那时我也有伤害到他，因为我不会处理而且也弄到一蹋糊涂把事情弄到很糟。真的很对不起！从这件事里，我学会了一些事情但也有一个我学不到的，那就是爱情和缺乏哥哥的爱那之间的感觉。到现在我还理不清，我很怕现在我会从犯之前的错误。我真希望可以有分析的能力！
就写到这吧！晚安!
祝大家，
冬至快乐！！！
2012年12月10日星期一
program anak angakat
I have back from the Kampung Behor Gandil, Perlis. The place is allocate around Jejawi, Perlis. If say it in more specific that very Perlis people will know is the kampung is locate just behide the Dewan 2020.
Before going the kampug, i was really afraid the kampung is really the type of kampung style, which the house is made of wood, the toilet is outside the house and also need sleep at the floor etc. Yet, after went in the kampung and have a look for it, really thanks god. The house that involve the program is a cement house and having a toilet inside the house. Din of computer school please don't say the kampung til so horror and let me stress, scared until i refuse to go the activity.
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| mak angkat |
At my mak angkat house, mak angkat din give us any stress. She call us just make as own house and do anything what we like but we din really make it this way cause we still need to have good manner and let them have a good impression about us. Mak angkat and her family really threat us well. In her house second day, she call us to cook ourselves and take what ever ingredient we like and cook it. Luckily my course mate is good in cooking. haha...
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| the food that we cook |
Actually, she not the staying this kampung and not involve in this program. Yet, her daughter just bought house in this kampung and this house is just done only and not really move in yet. Therefore, normally this house is nobody live in. She just come stay few day with his second daughter. Her daughter went back to his own house the next day while mak angkat will went back to her own house in another kampung after the program end. She will take care us is because her sister dowan to involve this program so she help her sister to take over.
Over there the chairman have made some activity such as mountain climb, presentation about biodata mak angkat, competition flying airplane, walk around whole kampung to find all the JKKK house and get their signature...
On the last day, all mak angkat cook together for preparing the lunch and eat together. My mak angat never take this program before so when the time we want going back she is crying and very sad. I also feel wan to cry after look in her eye. Her age is around 64 and stay in her house this three days, she let me feel that i am stay in my grandma house. I very miss my grandma. Almost two year i din go to stay with my grandma because of STPM and working. I miss them so much.
Mak angkat although i just recognize and stay with you three days but you have giving me the feeling of home and warm as a grandma and refill me this few month that i hunger from a family feel. Thank-you mak angkat...
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| hug and salam from every mak or pak angkat before going back |
2012年12月5日星期三
真的觉得被排挤了！哭了！
这星期五我的大学将举办 “ Bakti siswa”。 这是一项所有进到这所大学的学生都必须参与不然没得毕业。这项活动是到所安排的花园或乡村的屋子去住三天两夜。
我的学校在昨天出通告了，我竟然被派到乡村去。这还不用紧，被派到那村的我又在是唯一个华裔女生，当然还有一个华裔男生。此外，其余的38个马来人没有一个是我认识的，我真觉得自己是不是被大学讨厌还是排斥，怎么都一知让我成为唯一的。我校申请到两个花园和九个乡村。你知道吗，我校的华人全都被派到花园去，而且都是一大群的华人同个花园。而我呢偏偏就中乡村又是唯一的华裔女生。昨天我还可以坚持着的，可是今天dekan又在上载新的名单，而我还是呢还是保持不变也没有新华人加入。我真的坚强持不了了，眼泪也已经不知不觉的掉下来了，不管其他人看不看到，我真的当场哭了。现在真的好想躲在房里嚎啕大哭，可是就是不行因为我还须准备晚上的测验，惟有来到这边写边掉泪来舒畅我的心情。我还以为我真的适应了这种独来独往的生活，原来我还没有完全适应和接受现状。我该怎么办？？？
我还有四年在这里，难道我就只能在这独自的环境下过完吗？来了新环境本以为可找个好像在中学时期可以一起开玩笑， 打打闹闹的朋友...那里知道这一切都是妄想的。而那些不是时候该要的东西就出现也发生了！老天你现在是在考验我吗？？？
现在的我真的完全伪装起来了！面对他们时我就嬉皮笑脸隐藏了真实的自己，没有一个知道真实的我其实有点疯狂、长不大、怪脾气等...
现在的我也就像这张照片一样，是笑着但内心却哭了...
2012年12月1日星期六
ohoh~~
Final Exam Schedule came out ready...
It is time to start prepare my self..
Haiz, after seeing the schedule, the going hometown mood is totally disappear and now i decide to stay back at hostel ( now alone celebrate family reunion day and christmas, haiz~~ wan to celebrate with another friend but he/she is going back to the hometown,haiz~~ ). This is because my exam start the the 1st day of the period exam week. Just the 1st day only i need to faced 2 paper and need to sacrifice my saturday to sitting exam. But luckily my exam finish early. My course just need use almost 1 week and 1 day to finish my exam. Haha~~ i can go back earlier than others... Hoho~~
Schedule~~
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